My first teachers taught me The Enneagram without knowing it...
I opened the trunk of my father’s car in Chicago after he died in 2000: Two air compressors, lock thaw, kitty litter in case you get stuck in snow, a battery recharger, Prestone, oil, windshield fluid, 17 cans of fix-a-flat, blankets, rags, batteries, toolbox, cables, keys, flashlights, a sun shield with an advertisement for smoke alarms. This shed light on my father’s type being what the Enneagram presents as a Preserving Loyal Skeptic Type 6, those who have more attention to material safety/security/doubt/loyalty. He raised us kids to be “prepared for danger” in many ways, i.e. learning home and car repair, safe driving, outdoor survival skills, not poking your eye out ever. In light of his higher need for physical/material security, I see now why he was loyal to his local carpenter’s union: there is a social safety in numbers! You wanted someone like my father being your carpenter: he questioned if things were safe and secure until they were certain. When someone offers you support, sometimes it's in the form of a supporting wall joint or keeping an eye for you. One of my best friends who is the same Loyal Skeptic Type 6 tells me that her definition of a friend is “someone who has your back”— it makes sense when the world seems dangerous, right?
In contrast, I was also raised by a self-proclaimed "border collie"... a Social Navigating Connector Type 2. My mother’s attention did not go to safety/security/doubt/loyalty; it went to a world needing relating/connection/kindness. She taught her children that kindness was the highest value, and we were regularly linked with opportunities to serve those less fortunate in our neighborhood, such as elders, people with polio, the poor, etc. My mother wanted her two daughters and three sons to be “kind” people, and I think she got what she wanted: three nurses, an Enneagram mentor and the world’s best single dad.
I now understand the gifts that come with being raised by two people very different than me. We are all likely doing our limited-best from our own framework, but the work is to broaden our own by expanding our understanding of others. My job as a provider is to support people expanding beyond their own worldviews and adding perspective and skill to daily life. When I finally understood my parents as people naturally motivated by two very different values (safety first and kindness to others), I understood my childhood better for where there were challenges and where there were gifts. I’m not joking here: I now understand why someone gives you an air-compressor for your birthday (bc they want you to be safe) and why someone else sends you a Hallmark Card when it’s not your birthday (bc they want you to feel connected). So many parts of life make more sense, and relating seems way more rewarding.
Got someone you want to understand better? Yourself and another?
Let's learn together in a session or a program.
In contrast, I was also raised by a self-proclaimed "border collie"... a Social Navigating Connector Type 2. My mother’s attention did not go to safety/security/doubt/loyalty; it went to a world needing relating/connection/kindness. She taught her children that kindness was the highest value, and we were regularly linked with opportunities to serve those less fortunate in our neighborhood, such as elders, people with polio, the poor, etc. My mother wanted her two daughters and three sons to be “kind” people, and I think she got what she wanted: three nurses, an Enneagram mentor and the world’s best single dad.
I now understand the gifts that come with being raised by two people very different than me. We are all likely doing our limited-best from our own framework, but the work is to broaden our own by expanding our understanding of others. My job as a provider is to support people expanding beyond their own worldviews and adding perspective and skill to daily life. When I finally understood my parents as people naturally motivated by two very different values (safety first and kindness to others), I understood my childhood better for where there were challenges and where there were gifts. I’m not joking here: I now understand why someone gives you an air-compressor for your birthday (bc they want you to be safe) and why someone else sends you a Hallmark Card when it’s not your birthday (bc they want you to feel connected). So many parts of life make more sense, and relating seems way more rewarding.
Got someone you want to understand better? Yourself and another?
Let's learn together in a session or a program.
